a Mother’s Day Love Letter of Consent

*A re-post from last Mother’s Day 2016. *

I have an estranged adult daughter (27) who I miss and love with ALL my being. My heart is broken. And on this day, again this year, I thought it’d be different. I encourage all parents who feel the heart-wrenching pain of an estranged relationship with your adult child to know you are not alone.        

I GET IT. Reach out. You’ve got a friend here. Forever Happy Mother’s Day!


…another Mother’s day that’s still not different

For many people, Mother’s Day means flowers and handmade cards and brunches and hugs and laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and rejoicing.

But for some it just means tears.

For many moms and adult children out there, this day is a stark unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or it is a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.

This day might bring with it the scalding sting of grief for the empty chair around a table.

It might come with choking regret for a relationship that has been horribly severed.

…you can be a mess and still be a good mom. We are allowed to be both

It might be a day of looking around at other mothers and other children, and feeling the unwelcome intrusion of jealousy that comes with a comparison.

Consider this a love letter to you who are struggling today; you whose Mother’s Day experience might be rather bittersweet— or perhaps only bitter.

This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart without censorship.


Read more about Grieving someone who is still alive. What is ambiguous grief?

If you are hurting; hurt.

May you feel permission to cry, to grieve, to be not alright.

May you relieve yourself of the burden of pretending everything is fine or faking stability or concealing the damage.

May you feel not a trace of guilt for any twinge of pain or anger that seizes you today because it is your right to feel.

Above all though, may you find in your very sadness, the proof that your heart though badly broken, still works.

See your grief as the terrible tax on loving people well, and see your unquenched longing for something better as a reminder of the goodness of you that desires a soft place to land.

If on this Mother’s Day you are hurting, know that you are not alone.

May these words be the flowers that you wait for or the call that won’t come or the conversation that you can’t have or the reunion that has not yet arrived.

In your profound anguish, know that you are seen and heard and that you are more loved than you realize.

Be greatly encouraged today.

#MissingMyDaughterOnMothersDay #EstrangeedFromAdultDaughter #PleaseTalkToMe #Forgiveness

Grief Forward


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