Below is a response by my childhood friend Sherri Poole Bennett, in response to a post I had made on my personal facebook page. Young Carrie Fisher Watching Her Mother Debbie Reynolds Perform
When I asked Sherri for her permission to post this on my GF blog, she gratefully accepted with a “…if by doing so can help even one person, then absolutely YES!” So please read and comment. Thank you.
Friday December 30, 2016: …if you have loved ones that are still with you I think that could make life worth living. If I didn’t have my children and my husband, I would have given up and gone to be with my parents! In older folks, they just give up because kids are grown and don’t visit often and when the person they only have contact is gone, I think they die right along with them! My Mom felt like she only really had me and my children, she would say that often. I was the only Non-Facebook child she had anymore. Yes, maybe a visit once a year from one but out of 6 kids my sister Linda ( until she passed) called her several times a week and other than that, 1 of my brothers came out for other things and would come and stay for an hour or two…. they did send cards but out of 6 kids you would think after all the sacrifices that both of my parents made, you would think they deserved more. I stayed local, took care of both and had a real connection with both my Dad and my Mom and I was hated for that but I wanted my parents to know that they were loved and had reasons to take care of themselves and to be here because we needed each other. When my Dad died of lung cancer, I was up to speed on everything, his care, bills, financials, last wishes everything except him actually dying! My heart broke in pieces that day. Even with all the ugliness placed upon me by my siblings. My Mom still lived with us and she felt like ( even though they were divorced) that a part of her had died right along with my Dad. Still no visits, more drama… then 2 years later she went into the hospital for a fixable issue… no surgery just some issues from diabetes and because she felt like no one cared and the drama that was involved with my siblings, I think her heart stopped beating. She felt like she was going to be taken from me and either put in a home or live with a son that used to say he was coming to see her and he would never show up…countless times! So on the day she was to be sent to rehabilitation thinking she would never come back with my family she got upset, they gave her anxiety medicine and she died the next day😢. I was there the exact moment both of my parents died and my Dad died relatively peaceful, but my Mom on her deathbed got to hear two of my brothers threaten me ( in front of my children) and so she just gave up. Not a peaceful passing at all. Then the unthinkable happened to me… my Mom was to be put with my Dad at Ft. Rosecrans even though they had divorced when I was 21. I couldn’t take them going back and forth using me as the go between so I made them talk and they were close…almost got remarried. While my Mom was at the mortuary by siblings ALL signed a document to take my Moms ashes from me and the son that never visited, never called and that would leave her waiting, dressed and ready to go and then never showed up now has her ashes in his home! I’m sure he tells tales of what a devoted son he was but everyone close to my Mom knows the truth. My Mom in heaven knows what happened. I am the youngest of 6 and have always loved and enjoyed being around my parents. It was never a chore to see them and even though I was basically a newlywed I didn’t think twice to move my Mom up with us when We bought our house in Temecula. ( sorry, I digress) So loosing my parents pretty close together broke my heart. I wasn’t even over my Dad’s death and I lost my best friend since I was little…my Mom. (everyone knew the relationship I had with my Mom) so to loose her so suddenly and also to lose her again by not being able to follow through with what “she” wanted, has left a huge gaping hole in not only my life but in my heart! The sadness I feel for her loss and for the sadness my daughters feel is almost unbearable. I can’t go even one hour of one day without missing her, longing for 5 minutes and just to tell her I’m sorry I let them take her ashes from me…that I failed to be able to honor her wishes. She has never had a funeral or memorial and no place for her loved ones to pay respect to her. My parent were Christians so I know they are together in heaven. But I know that if I didn’t have the love of a wonderful husband and an amazing and loving relationship with my daughters, I believe that my heart would have ceased its beating and I would be with my loved ones that have gone before me. Everyday it feels my heart is just taped together and especially at this time of the year, I feel the loss and my heart breaks a little more. Sorry my message is so long… that’s the first time I have said that in writing or anywhere else. I pray for anyone who has suffered a loss…any loss can take a huge part of your heart, but I believe that the loss hopefully leaves behind a little something too…maybe a bit more compassion where there was not present before, inspiration to reach out to others who feel like there is no tomorrow. Most of all Love for others! You may never know how just one heartfelt sentiment can save someone who feels they have no reason to hang on, or maybe your kindness will be the tape that holds their heart together a little longer❣ May the Holidays bring you much joy and peace…God Bless😇